At that time, it was raining on Nurul Islam Karangcempaka’s earth. I quickly returned to the kitchen. Up in the kitchen, it’s not cooking that I do. How to cook when I don’t have a single grain of rice. So, with the help of a rice spoon, I scooped up the remaining half charred rice belonging to Buwanto, which remained sticky in the caster. Really, while shedding tears, I ate it without side dishes. I braced myself. While stroking the chest, this heart whispers; be patient, Zi; you must be strong.
And what can’t also be forgotten is the seconds of a bursting desire to prostrate when praying with the forehead touching the prayer rug. I am the only student who does not have a prayer mat.
Right on Clean Friday, I happened to be assigned to burn trash in the trash can. Holding a match, outstretched hand ready to burn it. My eyes accidentally found a bundle of garbage lying in the middle of the abyss. I approached and opened it, and the pile was scattered. Apparently, I found a prayer rug with a slightly burnt end. What I’ve been waiting for has eventually reached. Pucuk dicinta ulam pun tiba, In an instant, a feeling arose within me to take advantage of it.
In order to avoid negative things, I tied the prayer rug into a ball, then I threw it on the street and pretended to kick it to a quiet place. Only then, stealthily, did I wash it off. Unstoppable, tears welled up. After drying, I used the prayer rug, prayed and shed tears to Allah on the ribs of the night.
Once, too, one night, I sat alone in the back of the dorm. I light a candle. The wax that I used to reattach the broken sandal strap. Usually, once the sandal strap is cut, I immediately throw it in the trash. But not so for me at the time. I reconnected it by heating it to the candle flame. A few days later, the connection was disconnected again. I want to connect again, but the connection overlaps, and there are too many connections; in the end, it can’t stick. But I’m not dry mind. I stuck a safety pin into the end of the flip-flops strap. Every day I wear sandals for all activities. Although sometimes the sidelines of the thumb and forefinger feel pain. And the rainy season comes, my feet are always muddy due to the holes in the front of the sandals that keep sucking in the wet and muddy soil.
I realized that the path to success is not sprinkled with beautiful flowers fragrant, with fragrance but driven by thorns, sharp pebbles, and sometimes mines that must be crossed. So I convinced myself that I could cross these sharp thorns and pebbles. I assure myself that it will not be weathered by heat and will not be weathered by rain.
I continue to live the days with a pulse of a smile and a pulse of patience. Because, first, I am sure that the test from Him will not exceed your own strength. Second, Allah never sleeps in managing one’s life. Third, a rainbow is painted after a rainstorm.
Now, when I have returned to live in society, I feel the wisdom is so great. The blessing of studying is really felt. The prayers of the Kiai and teachers are always accompanied by their students, even though they are alumni.
A few months after returning from the boarding school (2006), I went to college while being told to teach at one of the prominent Islamic boarding schools in Jember Regency. In fact, in the boarding school, I found my ribs (married in 2011). Then, I had the opportunity to complete postgraduate studies at the State Islamic University (UIN) KH Achmad Shiddiq Jember (this year; 2021) and while starting the Qarnul Islam Islamic Education Foundation in my place birth.